alyssa's blog

career and the Christian walk: is there a disconnect?

I found this unpublished post on my Facebook account that I had written a couple of years ago. Okay, maybe longer than that. It’s so interesting to read what I’d been going through back then and how my perspectives have (and in some ways have not) changed. It reminded me of some really key things that are so easy to forget. Anyway, here it is:

[As a response to the title of the entry] Short answer: no.

This is something I’ve been thinking about and praying about a lot lately. I think its safe to say that people need to pay bills. I get it. And people go to work to make enough money to pay bills. I get that too. For awhile, I had thought that for me, it meant going to work (e.g. a 9 to 5 job) or starting a business, making money - paying bills. Then when 5pm rolled around, I could be a Christian again, loving God, delving into Scripture, into what God has for me and for the people around me.

And well, lately, that hasn’t really jived well with my heart. When in the Bible (Matthew 6:33) Jesus said, “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well”, He meant it. Seek *first’ his kingdom and his righteousness. God wants every part of us to be devoted to Him. No, our regular jobs are not just a means to make money. That’s such a small purpose and really isn’t a good enough reason to go to work, in my opinion. We’re called to spread the gospel, to live our lives transparently as Christians, living as examples that point to God’s work in our lives.

Where does the “work” aspect come into play, you ask? Well, I am definitely not saying that during work you shouldn’t be doing the tasks you are assigned and should be having deep conversations about God every hour instead. Absolutely, we’re to strive for excellence and to do our best when it comes to our work. The work itself is not the issue, however what drives the work is of key importance. Why are you in the job you are in now? To pass the time? Because it pays the bills? Not good enough.

As a Christian, if its not rooted in God and His purposes, its not His will.

“When we base our choices upon the “fear of the Lord”—a holy, reverential sense of humility and commitment to God—our choices will put us on the path of wisdom.” (taken from http://shar.es/1m0bS) …..I realize there’s a lot of “churchie” words in there. Sorry about that, lol. But this really got to me. I had what I felt like a million plans/careers for my life, each one, completely unrelated to the other. As much as I could justify each one by saying I wanted to do it to make a lot of money so that I could tithe well, and give more to others, I know truthfullly, I just wanted to make a lot of money, period.

At this point, I don’t know exactly what I am going to do with my electrical engineering degree when I finish this December. I don’t know whether I will own a business in months or in years. But God knows and He has a plan for my life. I believe that if we start with the right purpose, we will get to where we’re supposed to be. If we start with a God-centered purpose, we’ll get to where He wants us to be.

Sounds simple, sounds easy, but it is hard. Its so easy to trust in my abilities, to trust in the examples given to me (http://bit.ly/21Nghv), to trust in the comforts and the promises of a secure 9 to 5 job. But its not easy to trust in God alone, to wait for His timing and His plan, when the world is telling me to hurry up and figure it out. I don’t claim to be perfect, to have the right motivations and purposes for pursuing any career or business, but I know that I am a work in progress, and ultimately, He will use my life to show the world who He is.

The Christian Atheist: Believing in God but Living as if He Doesn’t Exist by Craig Groeschel

First of all props to Jenny for lending me this book. This is such a good read for those who have observed Christians who act contrary to what they say they believe, or, for those who have been Christians for years and struggle with times when you believe in God but:

• Don’t really know Him
• Are ashamed of your past
• Aren’t sure he loves you
• Don’t believe in prayer
• Don’t think He’s fair
• You won’t forgive
• Don’t think you can change
• Still worry all the time
• Pursue happiness at any cost
• Trust more in money
• Don’t share your faith
• Don’t believe in His church

I think it’s safe to say that each of us have struggled with at least one of these at any given time during our walk with God. I think you know you’re going through tough times when you can say that you are concurrently struggling with 5 or 6 items on that list. Cough. Not me. Okay I totally am.

I won’t list all of the ones I’m struggling with (call it pride if you want :p) but I will include highlights from the chapter that impacted me most: when you believe in God but still worry all the time.

“Change won’t just take all the strength you have; it will take more. You need God’s power. Do what you can, and trust God to do what you can’t.”

“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” - 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

“When we live by faith, we believe that God has everything under control. But if we start to worry, how we live says the opposite. If we are worried about losing our jobs, we are essentially saying that our jobs are our providers. But isn’t God our provider? What if God has something else planned for us? And what if, as unpleasant as it may be to think about, the path to that “something else” is through some pain? Will we still trust in God to provide during that time?” — ooh, Craig. That’s a toughie. Really hit a soft spot with that one. Yes, we’re on a first-name basis.

“Worry stems from trying to control the circumstances; while some things in life are within our ability, many things aren’t.”

To expand on the last excerpt, do the things within your ability, do not focus on the things outside your control — trust God for them. This brought a really important question to my mind: can I actually identify things that are inside and outside of my control?

I had an interesting discussion with my sister about how you can tell the difference between when God does something and when you are just experiencing the consequences of one’s actions e.g. how do you know God really gave you the strength to do this or that? How do you know God provided money or food or clothing for you in that situation, isn’t it just a consequence of what you did? How do you know God helped you ace that test, didn’t you spend all those hours studying?

I can’t speak for everyone’s situation but I can attest to the fact that sometimes I pray for God to do things that I could very well do myself. Where’s the faith in that? Truth is, there is none. It takes no faith to pray for something you can do yourself and guess what, it doesn’t bring God any glory and in reality isn’t a very good testimony to others both inside and outside the church. However, while it’s important to give it your best effort with whatever you’ve been assigned, I think it’s equally as important to acknowledge that there are things that are beyond your ability that only God can do. Not in a way where we make things up just for the sake of believing, though. But when you pray for things that you know, and I mean know, that only God can do it and when He does it — then you know only God was the one to answer that prayer.

Sometimes only you, yourself are the only one who can testify to that because everyone’s been equipped differently, different levels of strengths, talents — I think that’s where you get disagreements on what it is exactly that God did. So I guess I can’t really discount the people who pray for certain things that I feel they could’ve done on their own because I’m not them. So I can’t judge. That’s between them and God. But I speak for myself when I say that I feel challenged to make that distinct separation and almost feel as though it’s so essential to our growth in our relationship to God. And really, it’s the basis on which that issue of worry can begin to dissipate. If I know what my part is and make sure I do that, I can trust God with the rest and not have to worry about the outcome.

My aggressive reading list

There have been a couple books I’ve wanted to buy recently that are sitting in an Amazon.ca shopping cart (The Just Church by Jim Martin and The Physician by Noah Gordon) but I realized after adding these items, I haven’t even finished a plethora of books I bought but ended up shelving after reading a few chapters. Ever do that? I’m a bit ashamed because I hate the feeling of leaving things unfinished yet I’ve been undisciplined when it has come to my reading habits. Anyway, I’ve compiled a list of books I’m aiming to finish before going ahead and making the purchase for those two books. Some of them are pretty heavy reads, so I anticipate this may take a couple months—that’s the goal. Reviews/thoughts to follow. Here is the list:

• Heaven is for Real by Todd Burpo - April 5, 2013
• The Christian Atheist by Craig Groeschel - April 6, 2013
• When Helping Hurts by Steve Corbett
• Guns, Germs, and Steel by Jared Diamond
• The Wealth of Nations by Adam Smith
• The End of Poverty by Jeffrey Sachs
• Building Social Business by Muhammad Yunus
• Reforming the Unreformable by Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala
• The Art of Racing in the Rain by Garth Stein
• The Overcoming Life by D.L. Moody
• The Four Loves by CS Lewis
• The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership by John C. Maxwell

what do you want to be when you grow up?

The big question. For some of you, the answer to this question comes quite naturally, but for others, like myself, let’s just say… it’s complicated.

Ever since arriving back home from the UK, I’ve been (sometimes frantically) job searching but have also been taking the time to explore all of the areas that interest me and that I could say I have a certain passion for.

This journey has led me to some really meaningful conversations with a variety of people, starting with Peter, an interior designer whose showcase room/office in Gastown was so stunning it drew me in from the sidewalk. I probably looked like a creeper looking in through the window and noticed him watching me do this. After walking past the shop, I said to myself, I have to talk to him. I went in and said, “I love this place. Everything is so beautiful! What do you do here?” He told me he was an interior designer and our conversation progressed into him telling me about his career path. He started out an actor, finished a counseling psychology degree, at some point found himself wandering around Paris one day wondering what he was going to do with his life next (funny I was in Paris not too long ago thinking the same thing), and then (I can’t remember how) started working as an interior designer for a big firm, which he was successful at. Then decided he’d go out on his own, and has been doing quite well at this, for the last 10 years. Somehow his counseling psychology background came into play with his business, because he says he’s often with a family for about 6-12 months, and has seen families split, marriages break up, and other turmoil one might see in a family, in such a time span. His advice: it comes in the doing. You really don’t know until you get out there and do it. Do what you love, what you’re passionate about, and if you don’t know what that is, just try it out, you won’t figure it out by twiddling your thumbs and thinking of all the possibilities until your head hurts. When you find what that is, everything seems to come into place and though it will be hard work, in a sense it will be easier and come with less resistance. Here is picture of his showroom; the excellence and beauty really showed through and demonstrated to me that he really loved what he did! And I love seeing that. If you’re wondering, no I do not want to be an interior designer, I just liked his place.

Anything that shows excellence always makes me want to talk about it and make sure everyone else knows about it so they can appreciate it, too. This reminds me of something I read in C.S. Lewis’ The Four Loves: “Pleasures of Appreciation…make us feel that something has not merely gratified our senses in fact but claimed our appreciation by right… He does not simply enjoy, he feels that [insert object] somehow deserves to be enjoyed…The objects which afford pleasures of appreciation give us the feeling—whether irrational or not—that we somehow owe it to them to savor, to attend to and praise it.”

How true it is, when I remember the times that God has done something wonderful in my life, I realize my jerk reaction is to tell someone about it! It just seems to be in our nature to share things with each other that we love and that are remarkable. Don’t know why I had to bring that up. Just an observation, I suppose. Hopefully it’ll come to me why it was significant in this context by the end of this post.

I’ve been contemplating going back to school for a little while. My interest in the topic of poverty and the economics related to this led me to a new program at UBC, International Economics. Apparently it’s a program you enter from first year and it is limited to 85 students. I decided to go and speak with the program Director (i.e. the decision maker for who gets into the program) to get his take on the content and seek advice.

One of the first thing he asks, “So, you know about my background, right?”

I responded, telling him that I had taken a look at his past research and classes he teaches. “No, I mean, I did EE (electrical engineering), too. You didn’t know? I thought that was why you contacted me and wanted to know my career path.”

If he hadn’t told me he did EE, I still would’ve been excited to speak with him, but the fact that he did just made it seem like it was a God-thing that we met. Anyway, he had worked as an engineer for 5 years, enjoyed it, but didn’t feel it was what he was really called to do. Long story short, he ended up finishing his Masters in economics, which led to a Ph. D, which then led to him having taught at UBC for the past 30 years. And he has never regretted his decision to pursue this path. He gave me some very sound, solid advice as to what it could look like for me if I went in this direction.

There are so many others I spoke with the past few weeks whose stories have fascinated and perplexed me. During a volunteer shift at Union Gospel Mission (they run a daily soup kitchen as well as a comprehensive alcohol and drug addiction recovery program in the downtown eastside), I spoke with a man who was kicked out of his home at the age of 15, was a prostitute from the age of 15 to 21, got addicted to drugs and has been in the recovery program at UGM several times. Despite this rough background, the man who spoke across the table from me was quite gentle in his speech and was very humble about his struggles and toward everyone around us. When I reacted to him mentioning the way he was treated growing up, he said that others have had it worse than him. He also mentioned the struggle that drug dealers have of thinking about themselves in a healthier light, often they think they can’t get a job because they don’t have any employable skills. On the contrary, they often don’t realize they already have them—they have great customer service skills! Though it has been used in the wrong context/environment, it’s a skill they have gained nonetheless and are quite good at it. I hadn’t even thought of that. Since he’s mentioned that, I’ve been thinking about some other habits people have that might be questionable, and trying to consider them in a different light. Or replace the word habit with desire and you realize that “bad behavior” could also be synonymous with misdirected desires that are inherently good but bad in their implementation… I hope that didn’t just confuse you. I don’t know if the wording is right but it’s 2am and I need sleep.

A lot of processing going on, many different paths I’ve explored and it’s my hope that God will allow all of these experiences to converge and start to make sense as a whole. If I could just zoom out and see everything as one, I feel as though all could be better. I haven’t concluded what God is doing in me through these experiences quite yet (also considering that well it’s not all about me anyway), but He’s certainly made me cling to Him even closer during these times. I don’t know what’s next but He does and I’m just going to take it all in for now.